PART 1

First of all, my life testimony is one that began with “disobedience.” 

I was born on February 17, 1990, at 8:45 p.m. in a very poor neighborhood of Vitória, Espírito Santo. At that time, my parents were already evangelicals and it was in a strict environment that I grew up. We didn’t have television at home, the radio only played Christian and CBN programming.  

In addition, I could not wear any kind of makeup, nor could I cut my hair or pierce my ears. There was a little bit of freedom just in how I dressed outside the church. At home, however, I saw my father being violent physically, verbally and emotionally from my mother and my brothers, her children. With me, on the contrary, he was, in a way, affectionate. 

At the age of five, I wore my first red lipstick to a June party at school. This made me very afraid, since I imagined what my father’s reaction would be through the words of my sisters, who said not to show him the photos of the party. Of course, he ended up seeing the photos. I remember that I showed him the “album” myself, hoping to “miss” the red lipstick. 

There was a bad time at home: Dad fought with my mother, my sisters, my brother-in-law. And from this fight, it resulted that one of my sisters did not return home for years, even after she was married and did not talk to my father. Another sister went to live with my grandparents and my mother separated from my father (they lived in the same house, but did not relate as a couple, and Dad did not hide the fact from anyone). 

To aggravate my relationship with him, I became aware of his behavior and in one of them I interfered, crying a lot and quoting Matthew 7:23 “Then I will tell you explicitly: I never knew you. Depart from me, you workers of iniquity.” I was still very young and I have no idea how I got to this point.  

Over the years, I came to hate my father; I cancelled him constantly in my mind and heart. From the age of 8, I no longer wanted to hang out with him, we didn’t talk anymore, I didn’t feel affection or protected by him. I didn’t care about the compliments anymore and whether or not he was approving of my attitudes. My wish is for him to leave. 

I entered adolescence breaking all the house rules I could and never let anyone get too close to me. At home, my parents didn’t seem to suspect who I was on the street: I lived a double life. My grades at school never dropped, I always excelled at my activities, I continued to attend their church normally. I still played with dolls, I had friends who went to my house.  

But at the same time my revolt grew, I couldn’t understand why my mother was subject to staying married to my father, and she still started to be silent in the face of his bad behavior and didn’t fight back anymore. 

I remember that it was at the age of 13 that I lost my leadership capacity that was so prominent before: I no longer wanted to be in charge of anything else. When I entered high school, I was frustrated: my first big dream I had let slip away, because I didn’t pass the IFES – a test that had everything to go right, that I trained and studied so much, but I didn’t pass 2 or 3 points.  

I remember my mother going to a service at her church and receiving a prophecy that the “Enemy” was locking a score that I wanted and God was allowing because of my actions. At the time, I didn’t pay much attention, but when I didn’t pass the test, I understood what had happened. Then I remember having mulled over this every year of my high school and I felt that I was wasting my time there in that school, which was not my place. I felt that I could give more of myself and I didn’t. 

At that time, at home, I didn’t talk much to my father and my mother covered me up for the things I did and that he didn’t like. My disobedience started small and gradually grew: I cut my hair almost to the shoulder, put a piercing and then pierced my ears, started to wear very low-cut and short clothes, took my first boyfriend home as a form of affront.

I left home without saying where I was going and started sleeping away from home eventually. And these things, of course, don’t help my relationship with my mother. 

When I passed UFES, it was a real miracle: I couldn’t afford a pre-university entrance exam and I ended up studying on my own. At this time I no longer stayed at home and spent my days away returning only to sleep. But with my first boyfriend things were also going from bad to worse: we fought a lot.  

Besides, at home there were sometimes fights and we spent some time without even looking at each other. For example, on a Sunday there was a barbecue at our house and I joked with my father in a moment of relaxation calling him by a nickname that, for him, was an offense. There he uttered cursed words about me and tried to come after me for the first time, and also punched the door.  

It was there that I first said out loud that I hated him and wanted him to die. I committed a serious sin by disobeying God’s Word in Exodus 20:12 which says, “Honor your father and your mother, that you may live long in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” 

In truth, It was then that the consequences of my disobedience began to knock on my door: in the last year of college, I decided that I didn’t want to take classes anymore. Despite God’s promises about my career, I gave up the dream of a Master’s degree and entered the Technical Course in Administration, taking both courses concurrently.  

On the outside, excellent grades in both, finishing the English course, working, talking about marriage. But inside, I was completely lost, there were no plans for the future, I didn’t know which profession to follow, I was desperate to end my relationship that was already going from bad to worse after 7 years. I died inside every time I came home and I didn’t consider anyone as a friend. 

It was the year 2012, after seven years of dating and no relationship at home, at this point I met my best friend Pam. She started talking about Jesus to me and, somehow, my relationship no longer served me and I decided to end it once and for all. A few days later I decided to invite myself to my friend’s church and accepted the invitation that Christ made me!

1st step of the change: 

give your life to Christ! It was there that I began to congregate at ADCC and seek to know God through the Bible. Accordingly I started participating in church events, barbecues, retreats, worship nights. But my life had not yet changed completely.  

I was taking on relationships without commitments. Was participating in parties, drunkenness, I didn’t want to teach and I worked with education but not giving classes. I argued with my parents and didn’t let anyone get too close. My clothes hadn’t changed yet. Until one day, a little before March 2013, the idea of getting baptized came up.  

As a matter of fact I started to pray a lot and I was guided by our dear pastor. Also received a lot of advice and, finally, I made up my mind. It was the most beautiful day of my life! And with it came a huge inconvenience: I had things to solve at home and in myself.

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